100 Days of Happiness Challenge

 

This picture is significant. This photo was taken when I was at my absolute lowest point. August 26, 2009. Fresh out of college, within a week of having my heart broken, in my new apartment that I couldn't afford, with only a few friends, distant from God, and working a new job. Broke and broken hearted is a bad combo. Why I took this picture, I don't know. I'm sure I was just bored and playing with my new webcam to pass the time, but I'm glad that I did. When I look at this photo, the first thing I notice are the big tears in my eyes. You may not be able to see them, but I have a vivid recollection of this day and know they're there. I see the girl trying to smile even though she has no clue when the light at the end of the tunnel will show, I see a girl I never want to see again...and then I see that camo shirt! Haha.....excuse me. It was a work shirt.

 

It's been a long time since I've seen the person in that picture. No longer a victim and I've stopped pushing all good things away from me. Life is too short for that. Someone once told me, "If you want to be happy, be." That quote set me on my way. Why would you sit around and wait on happiness to come to you? If you want something, go get it. Happiness doesn't have to be a huge raise or the perfect relationship. Happiness shows up when you stop expecting and start noticing what's right in front of you.

 

Here is where I am. I'm stuck. I'm in a spot where the light at the end of the tunnel is pretty bright. I'm nowhere near the place where I began, BUT I'm still not there yet. I still catch myself being  lonely and envious of what others have. I often feel left behind and uncomfortable being by myself all the time. SO today is the day I'm taking my own advice. If you want true happiness you have to go get it. I've come across a page on Facebook called "100 Days of Happiness Challenge"....this is a challenge where you take the time to notice and appreciate at least one thing that made you smile each day for 100 days. I'm hoping by the end of this challenge I will realize that true happiness happens when you stop chasing the "what if's" and start noticing what's been a blessing all along.

It's my turn. Challenge accepted.

 

I will be beginning my challenge right away. If you want to follow my progress you can find me on Facebook at #100happydaysformelesa or by following my blog. If you would like to join me and do your own 100 day challenge, you can find all of the information at 

www.100happydays.com

Until next time,

M.

It has been a month..

It's been a month. A month of re-evaluation. A month of spiritual growth. A month of trying to figure out why I'm here and what I'm supposed to be doing while I'm here. I've given it 100% and today I think I have figured out so much about myself.. I've learned that there are two things you can always depend on. God is number one and yourself is second. I've spoken several times about God's timing and it's something I've learned to accept but I don't think it will ever be something tht I understand.  I learned that when it comes to relationships (of any kind) you get out of it what you put into it. Relationships are hard work. I've found that I have several perfect relationships with my inner circle. We meet half way. I listen to them, they listen to me. I care about them, they care about me. That's how friendships work. I also learned that I have several relationships that are completely one sided. You try and you try to keep in touch with these people but in reality, you care more than they do. If they cared, they'd reach out to you too. This month has helped me begin to "weed out" these people from my life. Trust me, you will lose a lot less sleep when you cut people out that just worry you. 

Another thing I was struggling with at the beginning of this was hearing God's voice. I could not for the life of me decipher what he was saying and why he was saying it. I would try to be obedient but I was going at it blindly. I heard a sermon that put it into perspective for me though. They painted a picture of a house. You're on one side of the house watching tv and your mom yells something to you from the other side of the house. You can't make out what she is telling you through all of the walls and over the air conditioning and over the loud tv.. You need her to come closer to tell you so you can understand. It works the same with God. We can hear him when we lose the clutter and come closer to him. It makes sense. When you can hear God clearly, you're life will change. I'm still really struggling with patience for his promises but I know in the end this patience will be rewarded.

I had intended for this process to only be a month but there's so much more that I want to learn and need to work through. As John Mayer would say, "I'm in repair, I'm not together but I'm getting there."

I'm praying for you,

Until next time,

M.

Change Your Mind and Change the World

Today is the fifth day of my personal journey and so far it's going great. Day 3 was tough, but everyday isn't going to be perfect. Day 4 was bittersweet, the day began with my mom and I going to Murfreesboro for my best friend's father's memorial but the day ended with a spontaneous trip to Franklin. The memorial was very sweet. The girls did a great job in planning it. The preacher said one thing that jumped out to me though. He said "On your tombstone there is a 'born on date', a dash, and a 'died on date', what will you do with the dash?" We are not guaranteed tomorrow. We're not promised even the next second. If, God forbid, this was your last day on Earth, what would your dash say about you? I don't want my dash to be described as all of the time I spent waiting on the next best thing to happen but instead I want it to say that I was the girl who went out and made things happen.

I've spent so much time worrying about what's going to happen next that I have deprived myself of the life that I deserve. Starting today my mind is made up. I am no longer waiting. If something is meant to be it will come back to me. If it's not, it never was, and think of all the time I spent waiting on them to just tell me that. Moving forward doesn't mean moving on though. God has recently told me that for my own sake I need to move forward, keep living, keep doing the things I love to do and finding new things that I like too, but to not try and replace what I was waiting on in the mean time. I've spent so much time searching for the right person that I haven't given myself a chance to enjoy life and just live. I'm telling you, when you take that pressure off of your shoulders, you can breathe a lot better.

Week one of my "Personal Growth Rehab" has been a lot better than I expected to be. I learned that I loved to cook and that I'm actually pretty good at it! I learned that I like spontaneous trips to new places. I learned that family is more important than anything else in this life and that God didn't bring us this far to abandon us. While mom and I were in Franklin yesterday, we were in a really cool bookstore that had books as far as you can see. Old books. It also claimed to be haunted which made it that much cooler. There were quotes posted over every bookcase. Most of them were ones we hear all of the time, but there was one that just jumped out to me and really made me think. I've posted it below.

 

 

I sat there and just thought about that for a few minutes and I realized that she was exactly right. This year, my questions are being answered. At the end of the day, I am blessed.

 

 

I'm praying for you.

Until Next Time,

M.

Rehab- Day 2

Today, I woke up with a completely different attitude. Yesterday, I deactivated my Facebook, created a new Twitter account (you know I have to stay connected somehow!), then after work I put my phone away. One day of that made a ((HUGE)) difference! I didn't realize how much time I spent looking at my phone. Just looking at it! Waiting on something to happen! Waiting on that person to text me or call me....((trust me I already know......ridiculous))... Don't judge me, haha...if anything I'm honest. I was on Facebook 24/7. If it was going on; good, bad or ugly, I knew about it. Then yesterday, I asked myself, why do you even care about any of this stuff? Why do you let this effect you the way that it does? Why are you reading into little things posted on Facebook that have nothing to do with you? SO, I deactivated it.

ANYWAY, you aren't here to listen to my addiction to technology and social media and the way that it effects me, are you? I was actually leading up to this point: when I put my phone away, I had time to focus.  I had time to think. I had time to process what I had going on in my life and actually pray with a focused mind and open ears. God spoke to me in the clearest voice I've ever heard. I've been really trying recently to spend more time in prayer and less time "leaning on my own understanding"..well that's easier said than done.

Day 1 was great. After a night of being focused, Day 2 has begun great as well. When you change your attitude, the whole world changes. Yesterday, I woke up feeling positive but still kind of sad about what happened on Monday. Today, I woke up feeling great, knowing that whatever happens, happens. I can't change the outcome of any situation and at the end of the day, I did everything right. I did everything I possibly could and the best thing I can possibly do right now is to just wait. In the mean time, I will praise Him in the storm.  While I wait on the outcome of my weekend situation, I will go on and be happy. Worrying will not change the outcome and more than likely what you worry about today will not matter a year from now. I've given it to God. In the mean time, I'm living.

I'm praying for you.
Until next time,
M.

Rehab- Day 1

It's happening. I'm starting a journal that I can track my progress in. I'm not letting anything hold me down anymore. My days are shaped by my attitude and how I deal with the things thrown in my path. Today WILL be a good day. As far as I'm concerned, yesterday did not happen.  This past weekend did not happen. The insecurities that I have felt recently and the things that I've worried about are irrelevant. I am alive and well. I am healthy. I have a wonderful family.  I serve a loving God. I have more friends than I can possibly count. I'm blessed. I'm so blessed. The heartbreak stops here.  From now on, you will only hear positivity from me.  If you don't want to be in my life, don't be in it. Quick and easy fix. Simple as that. If you want to join me in my personal journey to happiness, I will be so happy to have you. The more the merrier.

Let's start with the basics. What does self worth mean to you? The dictionary defines Self Worth as "the sense of one's own value or worth of a person; self esteem, self respect" Does any part of that definition mention anyone other than yourself? No. It says that it is "one's OWN value of worth of a person; SELF esteem and SELF respect." Only you can control that. If you don't value yourself, why would anyone else value you?

This month I am focusing on me. I'm not worrying about what anyone thinks of me. I'm not looking for anything other than my own happiness. I deserve that.  I'm going to do things that make me happy. I'm going back to the basics. What do I like to do because I like to do it? Stay tuned. Change is coming.

We get so lost in doing for others and trying to please others and it's in our nature that we don't stop and think about ourselves, but just think about what we can do to make the ones we love happy. When we give and give and give to others, we often get taken advantage of and starting today, that will no longer happen. This month is for us.

I'm praying for you.
Until next time,
M.

Redeemed

"When the problem is everyone else, the problem is you."-Mom

I'm the problem! I am SO the problem! Haha all of you are glad for me to finally admit that right? Shame on you.. Actually shame on me!

I have discovered a guy named Trent Shelton. He offers a "Self Worth Rehab" on Facebook and everyday he posts great advice. I've been in a self worth rehab of my own this weekend...and between a lot of prayer and Trent Shelton this is what I've come up with.  Maybe it will help some of you too.

You can't move forward if you are stuck in reverse.  God tells us in Phillipians 4:6-7  to "not worry about anything but instead to pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all that he has done."  Why don't we do more of this? Why do we only end up praying for comfort in times of desperation?  Jeremiah 29:11 tells us "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." It's right there in front of you but why is it so hard to believe him when he says that?  It's because we're human. Our society is built upon holding you down and causing you insecurities.  When we should be lifting each other up, we're knocking each other down, when we should be joining together, we are falling apart.  Imagine how great our nation would be if we all could just unite and work as one. Be on the same team.

Why are there so many trust issues? Why do you think the world is out to get you?  How can you possibly build an open and honest relationship with someone new if you are continuously punishing them for what happened in your past relationship?  You have to start fresh.  It's okay to be an open person.  It's okay to put yourself out there, because putting yourself out there and taking new risks means that you still have hope in your heart. Don't ever let anyone take that away from you. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you are not good enough.  God tells us that you were fearfully and wonderfully made and don't ever let anyone make you to believe that isn't true, because it is true. God makes no mistakes. Never has, never will. He has put you on this Earth for a reason. Sure, sometimes you are going to feel alone, you are not alone. You're going to face struggles, you're going to face temptation, you're gonna stumble, but with God on your side you will never fall. The things that we worry about today are not going to matter in a year from now. The things we are beating ourselves up over right now, God has already forgiven. He forgives and forgets, why can't we be more like that? We are spending so much time worrying about what's going to happen and sweating the small things that we can't even enjoy what's good in our lives and right in front of our faces. God tells us to lean not on our own understanding and in all our ways acknowledge him and he will make our paths straight. I believe that. I am the number one person of trying to figure out what's going to happen next. I try and plan everyone else's next move around me so that I will not get hurt. I get hurt over things that have never even happened, but God tell us to not do that. Don't speculate and he will make your path straight. It's time to Let Go and Let God. It's time to focus more on the positive and let go of what doesn't matter because ultimately, the only reason we are here, is to build a life worthy enough to get us there. He gives us the directions, now it's just time to follow them.

I'm praying for you.
Until next time,
M.

The Lotus Blossom

Often times in life we find ourselves at a low point. I don't care who you are, if you are reading this, I'm sure  you have had a time in your life where you could have done every single thing perfectly and you still would have fallen short of your goal. No matter what you did or how hard you tried, there was a time that you just couldn't have what you wanted. I've been dealing with some things lately that have put me in this situation. Regardless of what I could have done, the end result of these things would be the same and neither were the results that I wanted. I'm learning to accept this for what it is. "It is what it is"...right? Wrong.

Things aren't always going to go your way. You're not always going to get what you want. Just because you pray for something doesn't mean that it will be handed to you. That's where I've stumbled lately. I've never been so close to God in my life...ever. I feel like for once I've been doing everything right...and the blessings have been pouring out due to it. I felt like God was handing me everything I've ever wanted, but I was wrong. We often forget who is in control here. Did you catch what I said earlier, "I felt like God was handing me everything I'VE ever wanted." I felt entitled. I've caught myself envious and jealous of others who have what I want. Even though God is working in me, I've been selfish and I've wanted more. I wanted the husband. I wanted the family. I wanted this. I wanted that. Single people join me when I say that we are so tired of hearing, "Oh God has the perfect person waiting for you, you just have to be patient." Haha can I get an Amen??! You don't know that!! Haha!! Ya'll know just as well as we know that only God knows His plans for us. This is where I find my comfort... Roman 8:18 tells us,

 

 "The pain that you've

been feeling

can't compare to the joy

 that's coming."

 

 We know that good things are on their way, we just don't know what good things.  It may be a spouse, it may be a better job, it may be a family,it may be something you've been praying for...it may be none of the above. All we know is that peace is coming and that is fine by me.

I've mentioned before in previous blogs that it's how you rise above adversity that sets you apart. When playing around on Pinterest tonight I came across a photo of the Lotus Blossom and it was just so interesting to me. Do you know what makes the Lotus Blossom so special? It begins in muddy water, rises above it and blooms.

Rise above it.

I'm praying for you.

Until next time,

M.