It's been a month. A month of re-evaluation. A month of spiritual growth. A month of trying to figure out why I'm here and what I'm supposed to be doing while I'm here. I've given it 100% and today I think I have figured out so much about myself.. I've learned that there are two things you can always depend on. God is number one and yourself is second. I've spoken several times about God's timing and it's something I've learned to accept but I don't think it will ever be something tht I understand. I learned that when it comes to relationships (of any kind) you get out of it what you put into it. Relationships are hard work. I've found that I have several perfect relationships with my inner circle. We meet half way. I listen to them, they listen to me. I care about them, they care about me. That's how friendships work. I also learned that I have several relationships that are completely one sided. You try and you try to keep in touch with these people but in reality, you care more than they do. If they cared, they'd reach out to you too. This month has helped me begin to "weed out" these people from my life. Trust me, you will lose a lot less sleep when you cut people out that just worry you.
Another thing I was struggling with at the beginning of this was hearing God's voice. I could not for the life of me decipher what he was saying and why he was saying it. I would try to be obedient but I was going at it blindly. I heard a sermon that put it into perspective for me though. They painted a picture of a house. You're on one side of the house watching tv and your mom yells something to you from the other side of the house. You can't make out what she is telling you through all of the walls and over the air conditioning and over the loud tv.. You need her to come closer to tell you so you can understand. It works the same with God. We can hear him when we lose the clutter and come closer to him. It makes sense. When you can hear God clearly, you're life will change. I'm still really struggling with patience for his promises but I know in the end this patience will be rewarded.
I had intended for this process to only be a month but there's so much more that I want to learn and need to work through. As John Mayer would say, "I'm in repair, I'm not together but I'm getting there."
I'm praying for you,
Until next time,
M.
