Rehab- Day 1

It's happening. I'm starting a journal that I can track my progress in. I'm not letting anything hold me down anymore. My days are shaped by my attitude and how I deal with the things thrown in my path. Today WILL be a good day. As far as I'm concerned, yesterday did not happen.  This past weekend did not happen. The insecurities that I have felt recently and the things that I've worried about are irrelevant. I am alive and well. I am healthy. I have a wonderful family.  I serve a loving God. I have more friends than I can possibly count. I'm blessed. I'm so blessed. The heartbreak stops here.  From now on, you will only hear positivity from me.  If you don't want to be in my life, don't be in it. Quick and easy fix. Simple as that. If you want to join me in my personal journey to happiness, I will be so happy to have you. The more the merrier.

Let's start with the basics. What does self worth mean to you? The dictionary defines Self Worth as "the sense of one's own value or worth of a person; self esteem, self respect" Does any part of that definition mention anyone other than yourself? No. It says that it is "one's OWN value of worth of a person; SELF esteem and SELF respect." Only you can control that. If you don't value yourself, why would anyone else value you?

This month I am focusing on me. I'm not worrying about what anyone thinks of me. I'm not looking for anything other than my own happiness. I deserve that.  I'm going to do things that make me happy. I'm going back to the basics. What do I like to do because I like to do it? Stay tuned. Change is coming.

We get so lost in doing for others and trying to please others and it's in our nature that we don't stop and think about ourselves, but just think about what we can do to make the ones we love happy. When we give and give and give to others, we often get taken advantage of and starting today, that will no longer happen. This month is for us.

I'm praying for you.
Until next time,
M.

Redeemed

"When the problem is everyone else, the problem is you."-Mom

I'm the problem! I am SO the problem! Haha all of you are glad for me to finally admit that right? Shame on you.. Actually shame on me!

I have discovered a guy named Trent Shelton. He offers a "Self Worth Rehab" on Facebook and everyday he posts great advice. I've been in a self worth rehab of my own this weekend...and between a lot of prayer and Trent Shelton this is what I've come up with.  Maybe it will help some of you too.

You can't move forward if you are stuck in reverse.  God tells us in Phillipians 4:6-7  to "not worry about anything but instead to pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all that he has done."  Why don't we do more of this? Why do we only end up praying for comfort in times of desperation?  Jeremiah 29:11 tells us "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." It's right there in front of you but why is it so hard to believe him when he says that?  It's because we're human. Our society is built upon holding you down and causing you insecurities.  When we should be lifting each other up, we're knocking each other down, when we should be joining together, we are falling apart.  Imagine how great our nation would be if we all could just unite and work as one. Be on the same team.

Why are there so many trust issues? Why do you think the world is out to get you?  How can you possibly build an open and honest relationship with someone new if you are continuously punishing them for what happened in your past relationship?  You have to start fresh.  It's okay to be an open person.  It's okay to put yourself out there, because putting yourself out there and taking new risks means that you still have hope in your heart. Don't ever let anyone take that away from you. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you are not good enough.  God tells us that you were fearfully and wonderfully made and don't ever let anyone make you to believe that isn't true, because it is true. God makes no mistakes. Never has, never will. He has put you on this Earth for a reason. Sure, sometimes you are going to feel alone, you are not alone. You're going to face struggles, you're going to face temptation, you're gonna stumble, but with God on your side you will never fall. The things that we worry about today are not going to matter in a year from now. The things we are beating ourselves up over right now, God has already forgiven. He forgives and forgets, why can't we be more like that? We are spending so much time worrying about what's going to happen and sweating the small things that we can't even enjoy what's good in our lives and right in front of our faces. God tells us to lean not on our own understanding and in all our ways acknowledge him and he will make our paths straight. I believe that. I am the number one person of trying to figure out what's going to happen next. I try and plan everyone else's next move around me so that I will not get hurt. I get hurt over things that have never even happened, but God tell us to not do that. Don't speculate and he will make your path straight. It's time to Let Go and Let God. It's time to focus more on the positive and let go of what doesn't matter because ultimately, the only reason we are here, is to build a life worthy enough to get us there. He gives us the directions, now it's just time to follow them.

I'm praying for you.
Until next time,
M.

The Lotus Blossom

Often times in life we find ourselves at a low point. I don't care who you are, if you are reading this, I'm sure  you have had a time in your life where you could have done every single thing perfectly and you still would have fallen short of your goal. No matter what you did or how hard you tried, there was a time that you just couldn't have what you wanted. I've been dealing with some things lately that have put me in this situation. Regardless of what I could have done, the end result of these things would be the same and neither were the results that I wanted. I'm learning to accept this for what it is. "It is what it is"...right? Wrong.

Things aren't always going to go your way. You're not always going to get what you want. Just because you pray for something doesn't mean that it will be handed to you. That's where I've stumbled lately. I've never been so close to God in my life...ever. I feel like for once I've been doing everything right...and the blessings have been pouring out due to it. I felt like God was handing me everything I've ever wanted, but I was wrong. We often forget who is in control here. Did you catch what I said earlier, "I felt like God was handing me everything I'VE ever wanted." I felt entitled. I've caught myself envious and jealous of others who have what I want. Even though God is working in me, I've been selfish and I've wanted more. I wanted the husband. I wanted the family. I wanted this. I wanted that. Single people join me when I say that we are so tired of hearing, "Oh God has the perfect person waiting for you, you just have to be patient." Haha can I get an Amen??! You don't know that!! Haha!! Ya'll know just as well as we know that only God knows His plans for us. This is where I find my comfort... Roman 8:18 tells us,

 

 "The pain that you've

been feeling

can't compare to the joy

 that's coming."

 

 We know that good things are on their way, we just don't know what good things.  It may be a spouse, it may be a better job, it may be a family,it may be something you've been praying for...it may be none of the above. All we know is that peace is coming and that is fine by me.

I've mentioned before in previous blogs that it's how you rise above adversity that sets you apart. When playing around on Pinterest tonight I came across a photo of the Lotus Blossom and it was just so interesting to me. Do you know what makes the Lotus Blossom so special? It begins in muddy water, rises above it and blooms.

Rise above it.

I'm praying for you.

Until next time,

M.

The Silver Lining

Timing is everything. I've mentioned my struggle with God's timing in previous blogs, but tonight, His timing was impeccable.

I grew up in church. We were there Sundays and Wednesdays. We were in Sunday School, Children's Choir and GA's. We worked the nursery, we went on every choir retreat and mission trip. We were completely dedicated members. Then, I went to college. While in college, I slacked off. Then after college, I would go here and there but still not as diligently as I should. I've bounced from church to church and just couldn't find my home. The church I had grown up in is great, but it didn't feel as though that's where God had called me to be. Until the past few months, I had just kind of given up. I wanted to be involved in a church but just felt so alone trying to find the place for me. I realize going to church isn't about me and I shouldn't be concerned with the fact that I was going alone, but it really bothered me. I grew up with my whole family crammed on the fifth pew in the center isle every Sunday. So, as you can imagine, the search for somewhere new was somewhat out of my comfort zone. 

This past week, I have been hearing, "Melesa, you have to go Sunday." When I would try and figure out where,I had no idea. So all week I've been dreading the fact that I would spend another Sunday, feeling awkward, in a new place by myself. I was going to obey but I was NOT looking forward to it and really had no idea where I was going to go. It's hard being my age and joining a church in the South. The groups are already formed and they aren't that easy to become a part of and you may be a little surmised but, more than likely, I wouldn't even try.

THEN TA DAH! He showed up and He showed out! Around 9:00pm, my person, Erin sent me a text and said, "Hey! Church of the Highlands is having their first service in Huntsville tomorrow. Do you want to go with me?" My first concern was the time. I work at 11:00 tomorrow at Bridgestreet. The service is at 9:30 and it is at Columbia High School.....right by Bridgestreet. All of my excuses were diminished. Time is perfect. Location is perfect. Not only will I not be by myself, but I will be with one of my very best friends, and it will be the first service for the church. It will be everyone's first day!

I think that I've been praising him in the hallway so long that he is finally opening a window. Finally a breath of fresh air. Can't wait to see what is in store for us tomorrow. 

Stay tuned!

Until next time,

M.

The Rules of Being a Lady*

1. Stay Classy.
2. Act like a lady, think like a man.
3. Respect yourself, if you don't, he won't either.
4. Keep your head, heels and standards high.
5. The less you care, the happier you will be.
6. Don't fall for words, fall for actions.
7. How he treats his mother is a pretty good indicator of how he will treat you.
8. Be confident in yourself, to be beautiful you have to feel beautiful.
9. Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.
10. You can't expect him to be perfect, nobody is.
11. Be kind, always.
12. A lady always knows when it's time to go.
13. The outward appearance is the lowest form of beauty.
14. Forgive, even before they say they're sorry.
15. If he doesn't chase you when you walk away, keep walking.
16. Pray for your nation.
17. Be the flame, not the moth.
18. Fall in love when you're ready, not when you're lonely.
19. If you ever get caught sleeping at work/school, raise your head slowly and say, "In Jesus' name, amen."
20. ...and last but certainly not least, my favorite of them all:

"If he misses you, he'll call.

If he wants you, he'll say it.

If he cares, he'll show it.

And if not, he can't be worth your time

because you're obviously not worth his."

When you have moments of self doubt, check back in and review this list. You were fearfully and wonderfully made and deserve to be treated as a prize not a toy. Let no one ever tell you that you can't do what you feel in your heart that you can. Be the flame, not the moth. Hold your head high and face the day with knowing that today is one day closer to meeting the one person who will treat you as the prize that you are. Until then, pray. Pray for yourself (it's okay to do that..) Pray for your future husband. Pray for your family and friends. Pray for your nation. Pray for humility and patience. Most of all, pray for God to bless you so that you may too be a blessing. Don't let one negative moment take away who you are. Use it as fuel. Be so consumed with your relationship with God that any man who wants to get to you has to go through him first.
 

I'm praying for you.

Until next time,

M.

 

 

P.S. You can find several other "Rules for Being a Lady" online. I found many of these on Pinterest. 

If you want to be happy..be*

 

                                    

I've said time and time again that I am so looking forward to a new year... that 2013 was a sad country song and that I was looking forward to a new beginning. Like everyone, I was looking for hope. Hope for the next great thing to come along. Hope for my big break. Hope for this.. Hope for that... but in reality.. January 1,2014 wasn't really all that different than the day before. It was just another day. I didn't wake up next to the man of my dreams, I didn't wake up 20 pounds lighter, I hadn't kicked all my bad habits.. Same thing, different day. In reality, we aren't necessarily just looking for a miracle, but we are searching for a starting point and I guess the first day of the year is as good of a time as any.

I didn't have to make resolutions this year because after a long back and forth struggle with God, I've finally found my breaking point. I feel like I've honestly gone as far as I can possibly go by doing things my way. I'm out of gas. When I finally hit the wall, I prayed. I prayed for conviction. I prayed for guidance. I prayed the most desperate prayer you could imagine. I asked God every single heart-breaking question that I could before I felt a sudden peace. I felt the conviction. I felt the forgiveness and I felt like I had finally gotten the weight that I'd been carrying for the past 4 years off my shoulders. Even though I felt better, I still had something holding me back. Something I wasn't ready to let go of yet. Something I'm still not so sure I want to let go.. But I'm going to do it because we've seen how well ,my plan has worked out.

        

   

My new focus is on patience and self control. I struggle with these more than any other thing in my life. I am very impatient. I feel like if I don't get something from the beginning then I never will. That's another issue for another day. So throughout every aspect of my life, I'm working on self control and patience... With my thoughts, my diet, my relationships, my friends, my family... You name it.

This may sound silly to you, but I'm kind of putting myself through a "boot camp" if you will for two weeks. It takes two weeks to make a habit. I'm sure two weeks can break them too. I'm trying to supplement my downfalls with better habits.  I'm not challenging anyone or comparing to anyone, I just feel like I need to do this for me. I honestly feel like I've been stuck lately. I've been stuck between who I am and who I feel like I should be. I'm leaps and bounds from where I was this time last year but still haven't figured out exactly who I am or where I'm going and I feel like by 26 I should have some idea.

   

This is who I want to be. More than anything, at the end of the day, I want others to remember that I treated them with compassion, that I was kind and showed humility and gentleness and hopefully one day soon they will say that I was patient with them as well. I'm a work in progress. Don't count me out just yet. Please just pray for me as I start this journey.

If I'm anything, I'm honest..

Until next time,

M.

New Year, New You..

It's that time of year again, people! The time where you categorize all that is wrong with you and decide that you are going to change! New year, new you. Most of the time, the New Year's resolutions that I see are so negative. We are always so down on ourselves. This year my New Year's resolutions are going to be positive changes. I want to laugh more. I want to let go of the small things. I want to stop over analyzing everything. I want to make more friends. I want to be a better person. I want to be a little more spontaneous. I want to take more time appreciating the person that I am instead of being upset about not being the person that you think I should be. I want to take the time to notice the little things and appreciate them. I want to spend all of the time with my family that I can. I want to invest in my friendships, I may stay out a little later on a night that I have to wake up and work a double the next morning..but that's okay..it's the memories that matter. Please join me in making 2014 a positive experience. Let's learn from 2013 and leave it exactly where it was. Don't let the baggage from last year make it into this year, because this year is going to be awesome.

Until next time,
M.