100 Days of Happiness Challenge

 

This picture is significant. This photo was taken when I was at my absolute lowest point. August 26, 2009. Fresh out of college, within a week of having my heart broken, in my new apartment that I couldn't afford, with only a few friends, distant from God, and working a new job. Broke and broken hearted is a bad combo. Why I took this picture, I don't know. I'm sure I was just bored and playing with my new webcam to pass the time, but I'm glad that I did. When I look at this photo, the first thing I notice are the big tears in my eyes. You may not be able to see them, but I have a vivid recollection of this day and know they're there. I see the girl trying to smile even though she has no clue when the light at the end of the tunnel will show, I see a girl I never want to see again...and then I see that camo shirt! Haha.....excuse me. It was a work shirt.

 

It's been a long time since I've seen the person in that picture. No longer a victim and I've stopped pushing all good things away from me. Life is too short for that. Someone once told me, "If you want to be happy, be." That quote set me on my way. Why would you sit around and wait on happiness to come to you? If you want something, go get it. Happiness doesn't have to be a huge raise or the perfect relationship. Happiness shows up when you stop expecting and start noticing what's right in front of you.

 

Here is where I am. I'm stuck. I'm in a spot where the light at the end of the tunnel is pretty bright. I'm nowhere near the place where I began, BUT I'm still not there yet. I still catch myself being  lonely and envious of what others have. I often feel left behind and uncomfortable being by myself all the time. SO today is the day I'm taking my own advice. If you want true happiness you have to go get it. I've come across a page on Facebook called "100 Days of Happiness Challenge"....this is a challenge where you take the time to notice and appreciate at least one thing that made you smile each day for 100 days. I'm hoping by the end of this challenge I will realize that true happiness happens when you stop chasing the "what if's" and start noticing what's been a blessing all along.

It's my turn. Challenge accepted.

 

I will be beginning my challenge right away. If you want to follow my progress you can find me on Facebook at #100happydaysformelesa or by following my blog. If you would like to join me and do your own 100 day challenge, you can find all of the information at 

www.100happydays.com

Until next time,

M.

It has been a month..

It's been a month. A month of re-evaluation. A month of spiritual growth. A month of trying to figure out why I'm here and what I'm supposed to be doing while I'm here. I've given it 100% and today I think I have figured out so much about myself.. I've learned that there are two things you can always depend on. God is number one and yourself is second. I've spoken several times about God's timing and it's something I've learned to accept but I don't think it will ever be something tht I understand.  I learned that when it comes to relationships (of any kind) you get out of it what you put into it. Relationships are hard work. I've found that I have several perfect relationships with my inner circle. We meet half way. I listen to them, they listen to me. I care about them, they care about me. That's how friendships work. I also learned that I have several relationships that are completely one sided. You try and you try to keep in touch with these people but in reality, you care more than they do. If they cared, they'd reach out to you too. This month has helped me begin to "weed out" these people from my life. Trust me, you will lose a lot less sleep when you cut people out that just worry you. 

Another thing I was struggling with at the beginning of this was hearing God's voice. I could not for the life of me decipher what he was saying and why he was saying it. I would try to be obedient but I was going at it blindly. I heard a sermon that put it into perspective for me though. They painted a picture of a house. You're on one side of the house watching tv and your mom yells something to you from the other side of the house. You can't make out what she is telling you through all of the walls and over the air conditioning and over the loud tv.. You need her to come closer to tell you so you can understand. It works the same with God. We can hear him when we lose the clutter and come closer to him. It makes sense. When you can hear God clearly, you're life will change. I'm still really struggling with patience for his promises but I know in the end this patience will be rewarded.

I had intended for this process to only be a month but there's so much more that I want to learn and need to work through. As John Mayer would say, "I'm in repair, I'm not together but I'm getting there."

I'm praying for you,

Until next time,

M.

Change Your Mind and Change the World

Today is the fifth day of my personal journey and so far it's going great. Day 3 was tough, but everyday isn't going to be perfect. Day 4 was bittersweet, the day began with my mom and I going to Murfreesboro for my best friend's father's memorial but the day ended with a spontaneous trip to Franklin. The memorial was very sweet. The girls did a great job in planning it. The preacher said one thing that jumped out to me though. He said "On your tombstone there is a 'born on date', a dash, and a 'died on date', what will you do with the dash?" We are not guaranteed tomorrow. We're not promised even the next second. If, God forbid, this was your last day on Earth, what would your dash say about you? I don't want my dash to be described as all of the time I spent waiting on the next best thing to happen but instead I want it to say that I was the girl who went out and made things happen.

I've spent so much time worrying about what's going to happen next that I have deprived myself of the life that I deserve. Starting today my mind is made up. I am no longer waiting. If something is meant to be it will come back to me. If it's not, it never was, and think of all the time I spent waiting on them to just tell me that. Moving forward doesn't mean moving on though. God has recently told me that for my own sake I need to move forward, keep living, keep doing the things I love to do and finding new things that I like too, but to not try and replace what I was waiting on in the mean time. I've spent so much time searching for the right person that I haven't given myself a chance to enjoy life and just live. I'm telling you, when you take that pressure off of your shoulders, you can breathe a lot better.

Week one of my "Personal Growth Rehab" has been a lot better than I expected to be. I learned that I loved to cook and that I'm actually pretty good at it! I learned that I like spontaneous trips to new places. I learned that family is more important than anything else in this life and that God didn't bring us this far to abandon us. While mom and I were in Franklin yesterday, we were in a really cool bookstore that had books as far as you can see. Old books. It also claimed to be haunted which made it that much cooler. There were quotes posted over every bookcase. Most of them were ones we hear all of the time, but there was one that just jumped out to me and really made me think. I've posted it below.

 

 

I sat there and just thought about that for a few minutes and I realized that she was exactly right. This year, my questions are being answered. At the end of the day, I am blessed.

 

 

I'm praying for you.

Until Next Time,

M.

Rehab- Day 2

Today, I woke up with a completely different attitude. Yesterday, I deactivated my Facebook, created a new Twitter account (you know I have to stay connected somehow!), then after work I put my phone away. One day of that made a ((HUGE)) difference! I didn't realize how much time I spent looking at my phone. Just looking at it! Waiting on something to happen! Waiting on that person to text me or call me....((trust me I already know......ridiculous))... Don't judge me, haha...if anything I'm honest. I was on Facebook 24/7. If it was going on; good, bad or ugly, I knew about it. Then yesterday, I asked myself, why do you even care about any of this stuff? Why do you let this effect you the way that it does? Why are you reading into little things posted on Facebook that have nothing to do with you? SO, I deactivated it.

ANYWAY, you aren't here to listen to my addiction to technology and social media and the way that it effects me, are you? I was actually leading up to this point: when I put my phone away, I had time to focus.  I had time to think. I had time to process what I had going on in my life and actually pray with a focused mind and open ears. God spoke to me in the clearest voice I've ever heard. I've been really trying recently to spend more time in prayer and less time "leaning on my own understanding"..well that's easier said than done.

Day 1 was great. After a night of being focused, Day 2 has begun great as well. When you change your attitude, the whole world changes. Yesterday, I woke up feeling positive but still kind of sad about what happened on Monday. Today, I woke up feeling great, knowing that whatever happens, happens. I can't change the outcome of any situation and at the end of the day, I did everything right. I did everything I possibly could and the best thing I can possibly do right now is to just wait. In the mean time, I will praise Him in the storm.  While I wait on the outcome of my weekend situation, I will go on and be happy. Worrying will not change the outcome and more than likely what you worry about today will not matter a year from now. I've given it to God. In the mean time, I'm living.

I'm praying for you.
Until next time,
M.

Rehab- Day 1

It's happening. I'm starting a journal that I can track my progress in. I'm not letting anything hold me down anymore. My days are shaped by my attitude and how I deal with the things thrown in my path. Today WILL be a good day. As far as I'm concerned, yesterday did not happen.  This past weekend did not happen. The insecurities that I have felt recently and the things that I've worried about are irrelevant. I am alive and well. I am healthy. I have a wonderful family.  I serve a loving God. I have more friends than I can possibly count. I'm blessed. I'm so blessed. The heartbreak stops here.  From now on, you will only hear positivity from me.  If you don't want to be in my life, don't be in it. Quick and easy fix. Simple as that. If you want to join me in my personal journey to happiness, I will be so happy to have you. The more the merrier.

Let's start with the basics. What does self worth mean to you? The dictionary defines Self Worth as "the sense of one's own value or worth of a person; self esteem, self respect" Does any part of that definition mention anyone other than yourself? No. It says that it is "one's OWN value of worth of a person; SELF esteem and SELF respect." Only you can control that. If you don't value yourself, why would anyone else value you?

This month I am focusing on me. I'm not worrying about what anyone thinks of me. I'm not looking for anything other than my own happiness. I deserve that.  I'm going to do things that make me happy. I'm going back to the basics. What do I like to do because I like to do it? Stay tuned. Change is coming.

We get so lost in doing for others and trying to please others and it's in our nature that we don't stop and think about ourselves, but just think about what we can do to make the ones we love happy. When we give and give and give to others, we often get taken advantage of and starting today, that will no longer happen. This month is for us.

I'm praying for you.
Until next time,
M.

Redeemed

"When the problem is everyone else, the problem is you."-Mom

I'm the problem! I am SO the problem! Haha all of you are glad for me to finally admit that right? Shame on you.. Actually shame on me!

I have discovered a guy named Trent Shelton. He offers a "Self Worth Rehab" on Facebook and everyday he posts great advice. I've been in a self worth rehab of my own this weekend...and between a lot of prayer and Trent Shelton this is what I've come up with.  Maybe it will help some of you too.

You can't move forward if you are stuck in reverse.  God tells us in Phillipians 4:6-7  to "not worry about anything but instead to pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all that he has done."  Why don't we do more of this? Why do we only end up praying for comfort in times of desperation?  Jeremiah 29:11 tells us "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." It's right there in front of you but why is it so hard to believe him when he says that?  It's because we're human. Our society is built upon holding you down and causing you insecurities.  When we should be lifting each other up, we're knocking each other down, when we should be joining together, we are falling apart.  Imagine how great our nation would be if we all could just unite and work as one. Be on the same team.

Why are there so many trust issues? Why do you think the world is out to get you?  How can you possibly build an open and honest relationship with someone new if you are continuously punishing them for what happened in your past relationship?  You have to start fresh.  It's okay to be an open person.  It's okay to put yourself out there, because putting yourself out there and taking new risks means that you still have hope in your heart. Don't ever let anyone take that away from you. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you are not good enough.  God tells us that you were fearfully and wonderfully made and don't ever let anyone make you to believe that isn't true, because it is true. God makes no mistakes. Never has, never will. He has put you on this Earth for a reason. Sure, sometimes you are going to feel alone, you are not alone. You're going to face struggles, you're going to face temptation, you're gonna stumble, but with God on your side you will never fall. The things that we worry about today are not going to matter in a year from now. The things we are beating ourselves up over right now, God has already forgiven. He forgives and forgets, why can't we be more like that? We are spending so much time worrying about what's going to happen and sweating the small things that we can't even enjoy what's good in our lives and right in front of our faces. God tells us to lean not on our own understanding and in all our ways acknowledge him and he will make our paths straight. I believe that. I am the number one person of trying to figure out what's going to happen next. I try and plan everyone else's next move around me so that I will not get hurt. I get hurt over things that have never even happened, but God tell us to not do that. Don't speculate and he will make your path straight. It's time to Let Go and Let God. It's time to focus more on the positive and let go of what doesn't matter because ultimately, the only reason we are here, is to build a life worthy enough to get us there. He gives us the directions, now it's just time to follow them.

I'm praying for you.
Until next time,
M.

The Lotus Blossom

Often times in life we find ourselves at a low point. I don't care who you are, if you are reading this, I'm sure  you have had a time in your life where you could have done every single thing perfectly and you still would have fallen short of your goal. No matter what you did or how hard you tried, there was a time that you just couldn't have what you wanted. I've been dealing with some things lately that have put me in this situation. Regardless of what I could have done, the end result of these things would be the same and neither were the results that I wanted. I'm learning to accept this for what it is. "It is what it is"...right? Wrong.

Things aren't always going to go your way. You're not always going to get what you want. Just because you pray for something doesn't mean that it will be handed to you. That's where I've stumbled lately. I've never been so close to God in my life...ever. I feel like for once I've been doing everything right...and the blessings have been pouring out due to it. I felt like God was handing me everything I've ever wanted, but I was wrong. We often forget who is in control here. Did you catch what I said earlier, "I felt like God was handing me everything I'VE ever wanted." I felt entitled. I've caught myself envious and jealous of others who have what I want. Even though God is working in me, I've been selfish and I've wanted more. I wanted the husband. I wanted the family. I wanted this. I wanted that. Single people join me when I say that we are so tired of hearing, "Oh God has the perfect person waiting for you, you just have to be patient." Haha can I get an Amen??! You don't know that!! Haha!! Ya'll know just as well as we know that only God knows His plans for us. This is where I find my comfort... Roman 8:18 tells us,

 

 "The pain that you've

been feeling

can't compare to the joy

 that's coming."

 

 We know that good things are on their way, we just don't know what good things.  It may be a spouse, it may be a better job, it may be a family,it may be something you've been praying for...it may be none of the above. All we know is that peace is coming and that is fine by me.

I've mentioned before in previous blogs that it's how you rise above adversity that sets you apart. When playing around on Pinterest tonight I came across a photo of the Lotus Blossom and it was just so interesting to me. Do you know what makes the Lotus Blossom so special? It begins in muddy water, rises above it and blooms.

Rise above it.

I'm praying for you.

Until next time,

M.

The Silver Lining

Timing is everything. I've mentioned my struggle with God's timing in previous blogs, but tonight, His timing was impeccable.

I grew up in church. We were there Sundays and Wednesdays. We were in Sunday School, Children's Choir and GA's. We worked the nursery, we went on every choir retreat and mission trip. We were completely dedicated members. Then, I went to college. While in college, I slacked off. Then after college, I would go here and there but still not as diligently as I should. I've bounced from church to church and just couldn't find my home. The church I had grown up in is great, but it didn't feel as though that's where God had called me to be. Until the past few months, I had just kind of given up. I wanted to be involved in a church but just felt so alone trying to find the place for me. I realize going to church isn't about me and I shouldn't be concerned with the fact that I was going alone, but it really bothered me. I grew up with my whole family crammed on the fifth pew in the center isle every Sunday. So, as you can imagine, the search for somewhere new was somewhat out of my comfort zone. 

This past week, I have been hearing, "Melesa, you have to go Sunday." When I would try and figure out where,I had no idea. So all week I've been dreading the fact that I would spend another Sunday, feeling awkward, in a new place by myself. I was going to obey but I was NOT looking forward to it and really had no idea where I was going to go. It's hard being my age and joining a church in the South. The groups are already formed and they aren't that easy to become a part of and you may be a little surmised but, more than likely, I wouldn't even try.

THEN TA DAH! He showed up and He showed out! Around 9:00pm, my person, Erin sent me a text and said, "Hey! Church of the Highlands is having their first service in Huntsville tomorrow. Do you want to go with me?" My first concern was the time. I work at 11:00 tomorrow at Bridgestreet. The service is at 9:30 and it is at Columbia High School.....right by Bridgestreet. All of my excuses were diminished. Time is perfect. Location is perfect. Not only will I not be by myself, but I will be with one of my very best friends, and it will be the first service for the church. It will be everyone's first day!

I think that I've been praising him in the hallway so long that he is finally opening a window. Finally a breath of fresh air. Can't wait to see what is in store for us tomorrow. 

Stay tuned!

Until next time,

M.

The Rules of Being a Lady*

1. Stay Classy.
2. Act like a lady, think like a man.
3. Respect yourself, if you don't, he won't either.
4. Keep your head, heels and standards high.
5. The less you care, the happier you will be.
6. Don't fall for words, fall for actions.
7. How he treats his mother is a pretty good indicator of how he will treat you.
8. Be confident in yourself, to be beautiful you have to feel beautiful.
9. Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.
10. You can't expect him to be perfect, nobody is.
11. Be kind, always.
12. A lady always knows when it's time to go.
13. The outward appearance is the lowest form of beauty.
14. Forgive, even before they say they're sorry.
15. If he doesn't chase you when you walk away, keep walking.
16. Pray for your nation.
17. Be the flame, not the moth.
18. Fall in love when you're ready, not when you're lonely.
19. If you ever get caught sleeping at work/school, raise your head slowly and say, "In Jesus' name, amen."
20. ...and last but certainly not least, my favorite of them all:

"If he misses you, he'll call.

If he wants you, he'll say it.

If he cares, he'll show it.

And if not, he can't be worth your time

because you're obviously not worth his."

When you have moments of self doubt, check back in and review this list. You were fearfully and wonderfully made and deserve to be treated as a prize not a toy. Let no one ever tell you that you can't do what you feel in your heart that you can. Be the flame, not the moth. Hold your head high and face the day with knowing that today is one day closer to meeting the one person who will treat you as the prize that you are. Until then, pray. Pray for yourself (it's okay to do that..) Pray for your future husband. Pray for your family and friends. Pray for your nation. Pray for humility and patience. Most of all, pray for God to bless you so that you may too be a blessing. Don't let one negative moment take away who you are. Use it as fuel. Be so consumed with your relationship with God that any man who wants to get to you has to go through him first.
 

I'm praying for you.

Until next time,

M.

 

 

P.S. You can find several other "Rules for Being a Lady" online. I found many of these on Pinterest. 

If you want to be happy..be*

 

                                    

I've said time and time again that I am so looking forward to a new year... that 2013 was a sad country song and that I was looking forward to a new beginning. Like everyone, I was looking for hope. Hope for the next great thing to come along. Hope for my big break. Hope for this.. Hope for that... but in reality.. January 1,2014 wasn't really all that different than the day before. It was just another day. I didn't wake up next to the man of my dreams, I didn't wake up 20 pounds lighter, I hadn't kicked all my bad habits.. Same thing, different day. In reality, we aren't necessarily just looking for a miracle, but we are searching for a starting point and I guess the first day of the year is as good of a time as any.

I didn't have to make resolutions this year because after a long back and forth struggle with God, I've finally found my breaking point. I feel like I've honestly gone as far as I can possibly go by doing things my way. I'm out of gas. When I finally hit the wall, I prayed. I prayed for conviction. I prayed for guidance. I prayed the most desperate prayer you could imagine. I asked God every single heart-breaking question that I could before I felt a sudden peace. I felt the conviction. I felt the forgiveness and I felt like I had finally gotten the weight that I'd been carrying for the past 4 years off my shoulders. Even though I felt better, I still had something holding me back. Something I wasn't ready to let go of yet. Something I'm still not so sure I want to let go.. But I'm going to do it because we've seen how well ,my plan has worked out.

        

   

My new focus is on patience and self control. I struggle with these more than any other thing in my life. I am very impatient. I feel like if I don't get something from the beginning then I never will. That's another issue for another day. So throughout every aspect of my life, I'm working on self control and patience... With my thoughts, my diet, my relationships, my friends, my family... You name it.

This may sound silly to you, but I'm kind of putting myself through a "boot camp" if you will for two weeks. It takes two weeks to make a habit. I'm sure two weeks can break them too. I'm trying to supplement my downfalls with better habits.  I'm not challenging anyone or comparing to anyone, I just feel like I need to do this for me. I honestly feel like I've been stuck lately. I've been stuck between who I am and who I feel like I should be. I'm leaps and bounds from where I was this time last year but still haven't figured out exactly who I am or where I'm going and I feel like by 26 I should have some idea.

   

This is who I want to be. More than anything, at the end of the day, I want others to remember that I treated them with compassion, that I was kind and showed humility and gentleness and hopefully one day soon they will say that I was patient with them as well. I'm a work in progress. Don't count me out just yet. Please just pray for me as I start this journey.

If I'm anything, I'm honest..

Until next time,

M.

New Year, New You..

It's that time of year again, people! The time where you categorize all that is wrong with you and decide that you are going to change! New year, new you. Most of the time, the New Year's resolutions that I see are so negative. We are always so down on ourselves. This year my New Year's resolutions are going to be positive changes. I want to laugh more. I want to let go of the small things. I want to stop over analyzing everything. I want to make more friends. I want to be a better person. I want to be a little more spontaneous. I want to take more time appreciating the person that I am instead of being upset about not being the person that you think I should be. I want to take the time to notice the little things and appreciate them. I want to spend all of the time with my family that I can. I want to invest in my friendships, I may stay out a little later on a night that I have to wake up and work a double the next morning..but that's okay..it's the memories that matter. Please join me in making 2014 a positive experience. Let's learn from 2013 and leave it exactly where it was. Don't let the baggage from last year make it into this year, because this year is going to be awesome.

Until next time,
M.

You is Smart, You is Kind, You is Important*

I will be the first one to say that "The Dating Game" is total B.S. Nobody likes it...well some may.. but I think it is dumb. Why can't you just have friends and then pick one to marry? Why does it have to be so complicated?? It's complicated because you make it complicated. It doesn't have to be. Let's face it, you are not going to have a "Noah and Allie" situation, so set that aside and move on. I'm looking for more of a "Ross and Rachel" than a "Noah and Allie." Ross and Rachel were best friends. They could fight, they could laugh, they had mutual friends, they could break up and they could still be friends, but everyone knew that they would end up together again...and they did. Now I'm a Notebook fanatic, but it's just not real.

What about the one's who love you one day and deny it the next day? Who has time for that? Not Melesa. Moving on. I know it is cliche to say but, "sometimes the hardest things and the right things are the same." These words have never been more true. Why put yourself through this? My brother, who is way cooler than me, would say it's time to "L.I.G." Let it go. Do you know how many times he has had to tell me this? I often find myself believing all of the utter BS. I think that sometimes girls just need to believe it. We want to believe that you love us. It's in our makeup to want to find a husband and settle down and get married. We get so caught up in "the dream" that we lose track of the goal. When we lose track of the goal is when we compromise who we are. We settle. You are better than that. You matter. Don't ever let anyone make you feel otherwise. I've been there. I've been there recently. I believed every word and compromised everything I possibly could just to keep from breaking the ice. Dating someone should be a positive thing. Don't ever let anyone make you feel like you are less than you are. You are "fearfully and wonderfully made", do you think that God's plan  for you is to be with someone who doesn't see that? Do you really think that He plans for you to marry someone who is degrading to you or abusive (physically or verbally) to you? I'm gonna go with....No! Hello! Who are we to question God's plan? Trust him. He always follows through. In the mean time, live a little, stop the search, get rid of the criteria, let the stress of dating go....and...wait for it...wait for it....let yourself have fun! "You is smart, you is kind, you is important." Never forget that.

Until Next Time,
M.

Three Little Birds

Say it with me.. "Whatever you decide to do, do what makes you happy."

 Now breathe. 

If it doesn't make you happy, it's not worth your time. Life is too short to waste your time being unhappy. I don't care if it's a relationship, a job, it doesn't matter...whatever it is....if you can't say to yourself at the end of the day that you are truly happy, then something is wrong. 

When I find myself down, as I sometimes do, I have to stop and just take a step back and ask myself, 

"Why aren't you happy and how can you fix it?"

Usually my answers go from "because he did this" or "because he didn't do this" or "she said this".... I've always heard that when you point one finger at someone, three are pointing back at you. Sometimes we have to take responsibility for our problems. Stop dwelling in the pity party and get up and try to figure out what really has made you unhappy, if it's worth letting yourself be hurt by this, and how the issue can be fixed. 

I realize that sometimes, somethings are out of our hands. I like to call these lovely things, "The Blindside"... 

((((Thhhheee Blindsiiiiiiiiidddddeeee))))

(I hope you read that how I said it..)

The blindside sucks. Bottom line. No sweet or cute way to describe it...it sucks. We've all been there. You may be there today, and if you are, I'm sorry...because it sucks...haha okay okay I know I've already said it..just wanted to sympathize. 

When I get knocked down by the blindside, this is what helps me;  I cry. Weren't expecting that were you? I'm here to tell you, it's okay. It's okay to cry. I give myself an hour...to be really sad and deal with how I am feeling. Don't ignore it, embrace it.  Once your time's up, get up. Get out of the house. Do something productive. Love yourself. By this point there is no turning back, you have got to pick yourself up at and just move along. I was talking to my aunt recently and she said to me,"All you can do is your best. If at the end of the day you know you've done your best and you don't get the results you want, it's not because you didn't do your part.." 

The Blindside is inevitable. It's how you bounce back that really sets you apart.

"If you want to be happy, be. " 

M.

What plans?

I was reading my "Jesus Calling" book tonight and something really jumped out at me. It's actually the post for tomorrow. 

Leave it to me to cheat and read ahead... I'm the girl that usually reads the end of a story first, just because I hate surprises. I'm a planner. I like to know what is ahead of me. So as you can imagine "Letting go and letting God" is pretty hard for me. Giving up control of my life... really hard. However, I do it. I trust God. I let go and I let him do his thing....Usually. I rebel and fight him tooth and nail sometimes bc the stubborn Melesa that we all know and love clearly knows what's right.. Right? Haha she thinks she does.. I make God laugh alot just by telling him my plans...

ANYWAY... Back to my story. I was reading ahead in my Jesus Calling book tonight when tomorrow's devotion slapped me right in the face. If it's okay by you, I would like to share it with you.

"Come to me when you are weak and weary. Rest snugly in My everlasting arms. I do not despise your weakness, My child. Actually, it draws Me closer to you, because weakness stirs up My compassion-- My yearning to help. Accept yourself in your weariness,knowing that I understand how difficult your journey has been.

Do not compare yourself with others, who seem to skip along their life-paths with ease. Their journeys have been different from yours, and I have gifted them with abundant energy.  I have gifted you with fragility, providing opportunities for your spirit to blossom in My presence.  Accept this gift as a sacred treasure: delicate, yet glowing with brilliant Light. Rather than struggling to disguise or deny your weakness, allow Me to bless you richly through it."

Amazing, right? Sorry for all of you that are doing the Jesus Calling devotional bc tomorrow's devotion had to have been written for me and me alone.

 

I hope you all have a lovely week!!

M.

Thankful for Saturdays

Today I need prayer. Unspoken prayers. 

This week I have gotten some news that has just broken me. Broken my heart. No illnesses, nothing like that. Just something from someone I love so much's testimony has just absolutely broken me. 

You never know the battle that someone is facing or has faced. You never know what's really going on.

This has shaped my week... Among other things. Needless to say, I'm glad it is Saturday. 

I spent half of the day yesterday helping my Aunt Karen with her classroom and I'm heading that way again today. Helps get my mind off things and I enjoy decorating her classroom!

My list of prayer requests today is a mile long. If you pray, please say one for me. If you don't pray, call me and we will work on that! ;-) 

Although we may not see the bigger picture we have to have faith that we are taken care of. Luckily God breaks our lives up into 24 hour days. One day, I can do. 

Until next time, 

M.

Seriously!?

So, I'm watching the news tonight and a video came on the screen of 3 fifteen year olds attacking a 13 year old on the school bus. I'm heartbroken. This is absolutely ridiculous.

 A child should not feel threatened or in danger at school! School is a place where a child should go to better themselves, not have to fear what the day has in store for them. This child is being attacked because he told an official at school that one of the boys offered him drugs. Okay, let that simmer. The THIRTEEN year old CHILD was offered drugs by another child. Are you kidding me!?

Who is even supplying these kids with drugs??? I would love to meet them. When I was 13, I was worried about who I would ride with to the Beasley Center birthday party that weekend... not getting beat up on the way home from school.

Why can't kids just be kids? There's so much pressure on them now to act and dress so much older than they are. I mean, kids are compromising their innocence at such a young age now. It's really sad. It's sad that a child who was going to an adult for help got attacked for that very reason.

Kids are so smart. They have all the hateful things that our parents hid from us at their very fingertips. They are all on Facebook, they have access to drugs, they have all of the Internet to their viewing pleasure at the touch of a button. It's on their phones! They can see whatever they want, whenever they want. 

 Who is protecting our youth? Who are going to be the ones to take a stand against this ridiculous bullying? Why wouldn't that bus driver try to break up that fight!? Who was defending that child? You can give me reasons all day and night and I will never understand why this wasn't stopped before the boy's ARM was broken!? Is it going to take another child being hurt before someone puts an end to this?!

Sorry for the soapbox but I am just so disappointed with this tonight. No excuse. Praying for our youth tonight.

M.

All Things Wonderful

I'm overwhelmed at the positive response that I received from my first post. Thank you. It's nice to know that there are other people out there that can relate to my situation.

Okay! No more reminiscing. Only posts about moving forward from now on. Since my first post, so many great things have happened! I have made a new friend. I have reconnected with some old friends. I have faced Florence a few times (if you know me you know this is a big deal!). I actually love Florence now. I've been working out with friends. I started a new diet today. I decided I needed some down time, so I began to make time to read. My sweet girl, Hadley, turned three and she had a very girly princess party in true Hadley fashion..I volunteered with Casa...The list goes on and on.....I couldn't be happier than I am this very minute.

You may be sitting there wondering what the point in listing all the good things going on in my life is....well first of all, it's my blog and I do what I want ;-) hahaha kidding..... No but really, it's to just express how very blessed I am in this moment. I prayed on my knees for years and years for something good to happen for me, for something to go my way, for this, for that,but all the while I forgot to pray for God's will to be done. My prayers were full of "would you, could you, do you mind's" and I would be heartbroken when his answer wasn't yes. Selfish prayers. When I began this blog, I had already been going through an amazing journey with God. A journey that I thought I had already been a part of for years before that, but it wasn't until this spring that it really clicked. I began changing my behavior, trying my best to strengthen my witness, and the kicker was learning how to pray with an open heart. In turn, God may not have given me everything I wanted but he opened my eyes to see all of the wonderful things that I already had.

I am doing the "Jesus Calling" devotion. If you're searching for a devotion.....I believe this one has healing powers! While reading tonight's devotion I came across the words, "Brighten up the world by reflecting who I am." These few words have so much power behind them. Encourage one another. Smile. Give freely. Love fully. Expect nothing in return. At the end of the day, let all the things you do glorify God. I really believe that if you live your life this way, all things wonderful will fall into place.

So far so good!
M.

Melesa - Party of One!

That's me! I am one of the many "twenty something's" who kind of just got stuck in the middle of the hooplah of what we call "The Real World".

 I had a plan, just like everyone else. I had goals, just like you. I had my entire life planned out. I was going to be the girl with the white picket fence, two kids (boy and girl) and a wonderful husband all before 30. I was going to have the job of my dreams, when in reality I didn't even know what that was going to be.  

Have you seen the movie Clueless? I could have been the star! Maybe they will catch me for the sequel.

Here's the reality.  I'm 26. I'm single. I have a job. I have a dog. I'm the last one standing out of my friends when it comes to marriage and babies and I live paycheck to paycheck 95% of the time.

Lately, I've been really down about this. Being 26, in the South ,without being married, or being on your way to being married, is almost like being a unicorn, if you will. It's unheard of! There's a lot of pressure in the Southern culture to have your family going by 30. Well....I guess I'm the unicorn in the room then.

I went through a phase when I was really down on myself for this. I felt left behind. I felt like I deserved these things and it just was something that I had to accept, that these things just weren't in the cards for me. I tried so hard to make some things work that were just wrong from the beginning. I made every excuse possible why the guy with the busted up car, no job, no goals, and no future could someday turn into Prince Charming. Trust me ladies.... He doesn't turn into anything except the old man with the busted up car, no job, no goals and a bunch of kids just like him! No thanks. Just ask my sister,mama, or my girlfriends the winners I kept taking back for a while. Haha trust me, you will feel better about yourself after listening to their tales....it's okay to laugh, I do. :-)

I found myself checking my Facebook religiously to see who was in a better situation than I was. Everyday, someone was getting married or having babies or showing me how beautiful their babies were... Oh and don't you love it when then girls who weren't even in high school when you were are getting engaged and married!??It's not that I don't love seeing them happy. I do. I do enjoy seeing your babies grow up, it's just "Melesa-Party of One" over here felt super inadequate. So, do you know what I did!? I DELETED it today! Sayonara Sucker! I haven't missed you at all today.

Deleting Facebook was step 1 of my plan to really finding who I am and finding out where I fit in this game of Life without the influence and opinions of anyone else. I'm on the mend. I had the most amazing day. My goal for this blog is to just track my progress as I just focus on figuring out where my place in all of this is. I am so excited for what's to come and I promise if you just stay tuned, if nothing else you will be entertained!

M.